Today I had to take my twins to their 3-year-old doctor's appointment. Naturally it started out all fine and good, but quickly descended into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I thought the kids were having a healthy appointment, but apparently while living In Over Our Heads 24/6 (not on shabbos!) I missed the fact that both of the girls have ear infections, and Lexie has a recurrence of strep throat (which I thought she'd kicked last week). In addition, Lexie is underweight, not even on the charts. According to the weight charts, she doesn't exist.
My pediatrician gives a lot of parenting advice, which usually leaves me feeling like a mom enrolled in some kind of program for at-risk crackhead parents. To make matters worse, Lexie and Reenie, who are usually adorable cuties, decided to beat the ever-loving crap out of each other in front of the doctor. Lexie even LICKED HER SHOE in front of the doc. So I had to endure a "helpful" lecture about setting limits and discipline. Then the doc suggested that I try feeding Lexie avocado to help her gain weight. Just the WORD avocado offends me at the doctor's office because I've been through this underweight business with my older kid and on EVERY SINGLE VISIT to the doc I was asked if I've tried avocado. I was tempted to say, "What? AVOCADO? Why I've never though of that before! How amazing! Avocado!? Where do you buy such a perfect food item?" Instead I said, "OK, thanks." Our doc is great.... she is SO thorough, smart and caring. But I just have such a hard time tolerating her parenting tips. I just want to say, "Thanks for the tip. Want a free tip yourself? The cat's been out of the bag on the whole avocado thing for a while now."
We rounded out the appointment with each kid getting a finger stick and splattering blood on their pants, then they got 2 shots per kid for good measure. I was sweating and holding Lexie down while our new au pair, Ema, held Reenie. Welcome to America, Ema. You survived initiation.
A good shabbos to all!